Summat Dead Weird

I dreamt this.  I literally dreamt it, then woke up and typed it out, just as it is below.

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Summat dead weird's been 'appening round here recently. Tek this new school we been going to. It's reet posh like, proper gothic with towers an stuff. Posher than anywhere I ever thought I'd be going, any road up. And get this, reet. This dead famous director was standing reet by the gates t'other day. He'd just got out of his limo and was just standin' there, looking confused.

“Y'awreet mate?” I said to 'im, 'cause you would, wouldn't you?

“Excuse me, young man!” He said. Think he were a bit excited someone had spoke to him, you know. “Could you tell me where I am?”

“Yer at me school!” I shouted back over me shoulder. I was late y'see. “But god only knows what yowm doin' 'ere innit mate!”

The next day, I saw that dead famous actor roll up, in his limo. The director was there, and they hugged like brothers. Least, I think they were like brothers. My brother says only poofs hug, but I don't think they were. Our dad's a proper man, my brother says, and we ain't seem him hug anyone in his life.

There were summat wrong with that actor's leg. He were limpin' a bit.

The next day, t'were more people millin' about, lots of people with cameras and those mic-boom-things an' stuff, so I figure, reet, they must be makin' a movie. One of them looks properly ill; he's kneeling on the ground and droolin' and I wonder why none of 'em ain't got time to 'elp him.

Any road up, that dead classy actress strolls up to 'em, looking like something off the red carpet, all long dress and gloves, with her hair all pinned up dead fancy-like.

“Hello boys,” she said, in that accent she has. “Waiting for me?”

“I suppose we were,” the director said. I didn't hear anythin after that, 'cause I was nearly late again and had to leg it dead quick.

The other weird thing is what happens on the way home from school. Me and me brother, we always see the same people on the way home. Neighbours an that. None of them go into t'pub any more! They look at it, reet, with this dead snooty look on their face, like they're thinking “we ain't going in there no more, no way” reet, and then, as they walk past, they look back, dead longing like. I dunno why they don't just go in if they want t'.

These two old biddies, I know they'm 'omeless because me mam used to 'elp 'em out, I said, “Y'can've me fiver if you like, I saved it fer y', 'cause I war'n't 'ungry. Y'can 'ave it fer y' tea.”

And they said “thank you”, and then they said “no thank you”, and carried on. But they did that dead longin' glance at the pub and all.

Next day, I was walking along behind 'em again, and our other neighbour shouted across to 'em. “y'can come and 'ave a sandwich if you like, loves!”. She's dead kind, that neighbour. She makes 'em for the church, for all the other 'omeless, but she was letting these two have first pick.

They looked up at her, all surprised, like they didn't expect her to speak to the likes of them. She's not spoken t'me in a while, truth be told. Anyroad up, they said “no thank you duck", and kept walking. The neighbour looked all confused after they'd gone, and looked after the way they'd went for a while. She didn't look at me though. Not many people seem to look at me any more.

I'm always cold these days. I can't seem to turn the heating on. My brother can though, he can do all sorts. Says he don't need to though, an' he says he won't teach me. Says I'll figure it out for meself, one of these days.

'course, he's been dead a lot longer'n I have.