The After Lives of Lydia Montmorency

I hate my body.

I really hate my body.

It's not in bad shape, I guess.  Comparatively speaking.  I'm thinner than I've been in years.  This new diet - hahaha - is the first one I've ever been able to stick to.  Funny that.  I've stopped bothering with make-up, though.  And fashion.  Any interest I had in fashion has long since fallen by the wayside.

"When's the last time you washed your hair?" I ask myself.  Rhetorical question.

I sigh, and float through a wall so I don't have to look at myself any more.  Stupid body.  Despite this part of me having long since evacuated that shell, I still feel attached.  We would resemble sisters, I suspect, if there were anyone who could see both of us.

I stuck my head back through the wall.  My body looks over at me.  Like a dog.

"Come on," I say to my own rotting carcass, with a sigh.  "Let's go get you some brains."

I Hold Your Hand

I hold your hand.

It's so warm.  Your veins stand out across the back, from all the exercise you've done.  There are calluses from gripping, climbing, pulling, clinging on to life and vibrancy in a way that so few do.  The nails are bitten.  Your fingertips have those sensitive teardrops on them, though you've numbed them through repeated exposure.  So do mine.

I'd give anything to hold your hand, but now that I finally am, I wish I couldn't.  It's hurting you.  I see your frustration, as you learn how to do simple little things, like eat, and type, and tie your shoelaces, without the use of your left hand.  I'd give it back to you if I could.  I'd give you anything if I could.  But letting go of your hand now won't give it back to you, and I've been starved of you for so long that I can't let go.

It was two years before we met that I...that I became cold.  It was an accident, a tragic accident.  You were never meant to be without me.  Your life wasn't supposed to be this hard.  We could have been great together.  We will be one day.

For now, because of that accident, I can hold your hand.  I know you know that, because when you feel my cold fingers on your warm phantom limb, you jump, sometimes, startled.  Then you smile, a hopeful smile, and I feel reassured.

One day, we'll start over together, in two new lives.  For now, I'll wait.  For now, I hold your hand.